


Your Name is Dirk Strider

by stipulativeTzigane



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Description of how babys are made, F/M, Fluff and Angst, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2481506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>universe where Dirk and Roxy live alone at the end of the world with no hope of ever meeting anyone else, and how dirk in this universe manages to mess-up allllllll of his relationships...all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. seven years old

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry this is super short, but i'm putting up the next one like redicualusly soon (like the same night) and they get longer as they go on. sorry

          Your are building the bestist fort out of pillows ever. It's gona be huge and perfect and their'll be absolutely no bubble-gum-twirl-haired-girl in it to bother you not never. you alchemize zillions of pillows. and growify a couple your fort is great, your and Cal eat soda and Doritos and you even bring the TV in and play the tape where Bro. is rapping cause that's amazing. but then that Roxy-pest shows up through the glow window.

        "get out Roxy!" you use your most seriousful voice "no girls!"

        "I can come in if I wana." she makes a raspberry noise, just proving your point about how dumb she is. you roll your eyes because this girl was ridiculous.

        "nu-uh Roxy! no Girls!” you look over to your best bro Cal he nods in agreement, Cal knows that girl will just ruin the seriously mega coolness you'd and him had worked so hard to create.

        "you need girls dirk!" that was just a dumb thought.

        "nu-uh!"

        "U-hu! girls are pretty, and smart, and boys would kill themselves from stupidnes without us!" she stomped her foot "My mother said so!" another dumb raspberry noise. this girl is crazy. you keep her out side your awesome fort until she wanders away. when she's gone you tell Cal that you won't ever want a girl not never, he agrees and then the two of you fist bump.

Your Name is Dirk Strider

and

Roxy is a Nuisance


	2. eleven years old

you bake in the post apocalyptic sun grateful that razor jaw at least handed you your ass after he beet it in to nonexistence. your not sure you can get up, your just so god damn tired and this fucking heat wave isn't helping either. maybe you shouldn't of turned up the difficulty on razor jaw before you where completely good with the last one.

"dirrk!" your ambushed buy a drunkin Roxy

"get off!" you push Roxy away, ignoring the twang in your arm muscles. and then pull self to you feet with only a little involuntary groan. you turn to Rocks she's pouting now, sitting sloppily on her ass. "no come on rocks." you rap her in a sweaty hug. even though it's like a thousand degrees out.

"Diirk, i waz wndering arouhng in my houde and i foung another winfeo," she pulled away a little you held on to her shoulders to stabilize her "soo so i want therew and there a waxent anywher i couls get bavk and i wasd stuck in the void f0or a loooong time, dirky!1" her eyes went wide remembering the fear"put the n i fount the wiknfgd i went in, and whent thourw but rwealy it was your ewinow so now i'm here!" she grinned big and wide then her eyes droopped. "it was a .long walk tin thre void dirk, i'm tierd" she yawned swaying on her feet a little.

you sigh trying to lead her down the stairs in a crooked line, until she almost falls for the hundredth time. so you carry her even though the stairwell in an unair-conditioned oven, and your arms almost give out with overworked pain. you are gentle with her when you enter the apartment, even though she's sound asleep and you're pretty sure you could of thrown her off the roof with out disturbing her. you carry her the extra distance to your bed even though you are so tired you can barely make it back to the futon, because what are friends for?

 

Your Name is Dirk Strider

 

and

 

Roxy is Your Best Friend


	3. twelve years old

It was Roxy's idea intuitionally. she was drunk as she often was. she rambled almost irrationally producing drunken hypotheses because her mind and mouth where freest , or so she said when you asked why she even bothered to science in that state. she tried to explain the nature of space and time, in large words that you didn't know the definitions for, not because they where too complex for you but because you had no use for them in your life. you listened as she excitedly worked on elaborating on how the stuff that made up everything worked in-between hiccups and sips of blush wine. and you nodded, and agreed and tried to keep her in the apartment where she was safe. this eventually made her frustrated she became shrill and loud waving around her half full glass, as she called you out and told you: you weren't getting it. she sent you away for paper and a pencil and more booze while you where at it. you placate her. listening more intently as she scribbled down sloppy, misspelled notes and whole hearted but uncoordinated diagrams that where supposedly suppose to help you understand. you nodded and agreed and tried to keep her in the apartment where she was safe. you let her sleep in your bed because you don't mind the futon all that much. when she eventually wakes up she slinks back to her house, leaving the papers, a couple bottles, and her flip-flops. they all get mixed in to the mess that is your bedroom, until they are discovered by one of the two of you at a later date. she picked up the papers now more sober than the night she wrote them.

"what r theasr dirk?" her bubble gum eyes ran over the pages quickly.

"I don't know Roxy, I think you wrote them." you turn away from the TV to look at her and the sheets for a moment. silence goes on too long for the Rocks you know and love to be okay. you glance at her above your rad shades. she looks serious, really serious as her eyes ran up and down the notes reading it all. "you okay Rocks?" it takes a moment for her to answer. 

"do you know what this is?" she never looks up from the paper. you glance down to see what exactly had her so captivated. 

"um..." honestly you couldn't make heads or tails of it between the spelling, hand righting, and lack of knowledge in the field. you took a shot in the dark. "the answer?"

"yes!" she finally looks up to you eyes wide with excitement. "this is it Dirk!" she jumped up waving the papers for emphasis. 

"that's what?" you stand putting your hands on her shoulders to try and stablilise her. 

" it's the answer dirk! thease digarams show how we cane use tecnology to make paths threw time and space" that didn't quite make sence she grinned wider " if tis hypothosias is right we can travel threw time" your heart jumps in your chest as you form one thought. Jake. 

your name is dirk strider

and

Roxy is a genius


	4. thirteen years old

     The two of you had been working for over a year now; Rocks did most of the science explaining to you the depths of the theory and what exactly you were suppose to accomplish. You did the designing the building the welding, it was really a larger more powerful version of the windows, except instead of cutting in to the void, it tore in to time, or the theory of how time worked, and if you where right about the theory it would work you would be transported to the past to a time where there where other people, more specifically Jane and Jake.

     Roxy climbed through the window in her best casual dress, because first impressions and a bag over her shoulder, because if it worked you would be stuck in the past until you could build one there, and the two of you weren't dumb enough to be caught with out a toothbrush.

You wore a suit, a real actual suit, you wanted to look nice, for him. For that charming green boy who made your heart flip around. You wanted to sweep him of his feet with your good looks and yes your suit. You ran your hands up threw your hair, respiking it again out of nervousness. Your hands fidget on the dials making sure they where absolutely precise. They are. They were the last time you checked; and the time before that. You tap your fingers against the metal of the panel until their covered with a small similar hand, you fallow it up to it's owners pink eyes filled to the brim with semi-sober-support. You give her a little smile and the both of you power up the portal. Red swirls phycodelicly in front of you. Your hand stays in Roxy's as the two of you step side by side in to the light. you emerge in your apartment, the light still glowing behind you. "did it work?" rocks' eyes scan the room for some difference. you go over to the computer moving the mouse to check the time: same time same date. Roxy sobbed as she fell on to her bed it didn't work all you managed to make was a pretty fucking light. That was it. the theory was wrong, the machine wouldn't work you shut down the portal, feeling numb, you'd never see him, you head up to the roof and strife with razorjaw until you can't see threw the tears, until you fall to your knees, until your just alone.

Your name is Dirk Strider

and

Jake is the love of your life you'll never meat.


	5. thirteen years old

TT: Rocks where are you? i haven’t heard from you in days

TG:ong dirj i was jusdt thirbking borut youe.

TT:god damn it Roxy how drunk are you?

TG:idn

TT:what?

TG:*jdk

TG:*ibkn

TG:*ugggfgggg

TT:okay, very drunk then

TT: rocks get some sleep sober up a bit

TT: or a least plug in your window so i can pump your stomach when you pass out.

TG:my vvindovvs alvvays open *vvonk*

TT: what's up with the v's?

TG:i coulden't find my w

TG:oh! there irt is!

TG:wwwwwwwweewwwwwaawwwwddwwwwwwwvwvwvvwwwwwwwvwvwwwwwwWWWWWWwwWw

TG:nun low youe w

TT:that's great rocks turn on your window

TG:nope ir wanas bee aleone

TG:*aloen

TG:*alone

TT:really rocks I’m worried

TG:whhye you be worued bout ne

TG:youe dont evrn likre me

TT: of course i like you rocks

TG:nuhuuu not like yoru lieje jakee

TT:rocks,

TT: we've been over this

TG:i kow

TG:im stupid for brinign dis up again

TG: i dont' e wen know why you deial with a durnk assa jurk like me any way dirk

TG: how do you mannsage to not go gthew with homisidelr suiside on a daily baises

TT:because i love you rocks

TT:and you’re not that bad

TG:wreeluy?

TT: truly

TT:now please rocks i miss hanging out with you please turn on your window

TG:okay

 

You sigh and shut off your monitor, spiking your hair wile turning out of your deckchair and flash stepping to the window. It's silver pained with thin glass that glowed a pure white. You open it, and watch Roxy's flicker on across the darkness.

You're there in seconds, shaking off the feeling of never-ending nothingness as you step in to the light of Roxy's house. All glass and metal, with white panels; and Roxy herself, almost standing, a bottle of vodka almost empty in her hand. mascara almost rining her eyes. She stumbles a bit and you catch her. She giggles as you half carry her to the bedroom, she hanging off you like only a drunk girl can.

She lands on the bed hooking her bottled arm around your neck and pulling you down with her. Pressing her lips to yours; she tastes like strawberries and liquor and spit. You pull away startled trying to process that that was a kiss. a first kiss, and it happened. She giggles some more eyes half lidded as she tries to push against you again. you feel panic flutter in your cest as her lips smash happhazerly against your again, your thoughs are mudled and shocked running loops of this is not okay, your private, almost untought thoughs lingering on how this would feel with Jake. You manage to find your head untangle from her, she reaches for you sloppily.

 

"rocks don't" She stops a moment tears welling in large pink eyes

"Dirlk." She sobs and it hurts you.

"come on rocks." You pull away a bit more, finding her hand and prying the bottle out of it. She sobs again and you replace the bottle with your hand; she squeezes it tightly. You should say something, anything to make her feel better, to make her stop crying like this. "it's gana be fine." you pull her close making sure to keep your lips away from her's. while trying to make her close.

Your name is Dirk Strider

And

Shit just got complicated


	6. forteen and a half years old

You shoot out of bed with the thought, swearing, needing not to be thinking any more.

You can't believe, how dumb you are. You stumble half heartedly down the hallway stumbling over the shit you left there, and the new ground shaking realization. How god damn dumb, are you, i mean fourteen and a half years, and you never even thought about this. This thing.

You mean that sure, you knew in the abstract sense that you were the last two humans. You'd figured in some far off future that there would be more of you, humans that is; you'd spent several hours speculating what they'd write about you in history books. But you'd never connect the two thoughts.

You trip into the bathroom splashing your face in cold water, trying to avoid this new realization. You and Roxy had, to... you spit into the sink. The two of you, had to.. do the do. You debate tossing ironic cookies. Really the two of you had to. Necessary for the whole of the human race.

Roxy seemed up to it, in the long term i want to be your bride kind of way. You know she liked you even if she's stopped falling into your arms, giggling about how big your biceps are getting, and all of that other stuff that made you feel awkward, but she didn't oppose when you sit too close to you on the couch.

You look up into the mirror water dripping down your face. Could you really live with yourself if you are the sole reason the human race doesn't survive? You splash your face again, shutting your eyes. Could you do that to Roxy? No you couldn't do. You didn't love her. No you loved her too much, you loved her enough to want her to have everything she deserved. Someone who'd love waking up next to her, who'd hold her close because they wanted her close, and not because he wanted something from her. Who wanted to be with her every day of there life, until death do they part. And standing there looking up at your self you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not that guy. Not close. As much as you loved Roxy you knew that you didn't feel like that for her. Hell you were pretty sure you didn't feel like that for any girl.

But you did love Roxy, and you, as a human were hardwired to not let the species die. So a deal must be struck between your heart and your head, you love Roxy, enough. Enough to lie, enough to make her happy. Because you like Roxy being happy. because you love Roxy. you look up at the reflection of the wrong boy, and try to convince him. "I love Roxy."

 

your name is Dirk Strider

and

Roxy is the woman you love, enough


	7. fifteen years old

with a new resolution to change you and roxy's relationship you test new mindsets. honestly trying to feel differently, you shift your interactions with her a little to the left, trying to put actual thoughts behind the nw actions you plan out too carefully. you wanted t be subtle, move slow as you start trying to convince the both of you that you want pushing the boundaries you yourself had set. you tell yourself she smells good as you're sitting too close to her for you to be completely comfortable. you're not quite sure if she does or not, she smells like roxy. your mind drifts to how jake would smell like warm earth and fresh air and not some cheap strawberry shampoo before you catch it and angle your thoughts backtowards roxy.

"do you still use that shortcake crap in your hair."  you don't look up from the tv the two of you are watching, weighing her your response with the way you'll finish the thought. she looks up at you, you can feel it because your adjacent legs and arms are almost touching. which is odd for you because there's a whole half the couch to your right. she seems curious, almost cautious.  "yah, why."  you decide on shy and failed indifference, as your tactic, "i don't know,"glancing at her as if you were judging her reaction to what you're saying and also didn't know she could see where you were looking this close to the shades. before you pose a slightly heastent shrug. "it smells nice..."  you look away with what's hopefully enduring embarrassment.  "i gess" 

it takes about three interactions of these kind before she confronts you.

"what's up with you strider?"  plan your angle in a heartbeat managing to still answer a little too quickly.

"what do you mean what's up Rocks?"  you rub the back of your neck nervously, managing to look like you're avoiding her gaze while still reading her face.

"that!" you pull your hand off your neck like you've been caught doing something you shouldn't  "all of that, the nervous cagey stuff like you're holding back! it's making hanging out with you hells awkward." you're kinda proud of yourself when you manage to make your cheeks flush looking away from her again.  "there you go again, if you dont stop it i'll stop coming over."  you plan your next moves carefully in the tail end of her words so as soon as she said it your voice comes out with the proper edge of desperation and fear.

"no dont!"  you touch her shoulder like your trying to stop her, already planning your next moves as she asks you what's wrong.  "it's just that... i"  you close your eyes passing your moment of preparation as frustration with how to put something to words, before you make a convincing noise and kiss her.

you've been studying and start slow running through your mental notes on how this is supposed to work, and applying them to her glossed orifice. you start slow, just touching at the lips and where your hand still rest on her shoulder, light presser and closed mouth, before she pulls against wrapping your arms around your neck and pulling you closer. after a moment of mental preparation, you pull her waist flush against hers and push harder against her lipgloss. she was too small and soft for you something in the back of your head (stored behind your notes on how to kiss but in front of the file containing the string of hystericals you were forming because holy shit your kissing roxy your little rocks, she's practically your sister you sick fuck! upon glancing at that file) you pull away, disguising it as being out of breath, and damn it all she's looking at you now like you're some sort of sexy beast and you might freak out and drop this like it's hotter than a fresh batch of dickerdoodles if you don't do something. so you close your eyes and kiss her again, harder, passing your over her lips and slipping it in to her mouth when she opens. she taste like spit and strawberry chapstick and the combination isn't disgusting, but it's not something you'd write home about.that is if there was anyone to write to at home. maybe you'd wright jake something, you pull away again, panting pink eyes glowing lovingly up at you before she nuzzles into your chest.

your name is Dirk Strider

and

you are Roxy's


	8. sixteen years old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT!!!!!!!!! Dirk and Roxy's wedding night.

you hold off the more intimate part of the relationship (being sexual reproduction) until you're married, citing centuries of tradition, as the cause instead the fact that the thought of jake got you off quicker and more intensely than physical interaction with roxy.  
but then you got married.  
and she was so beautiful in her dress, and you didn't really need to tell yourself that , but she was beautiful like a little sister in her first prom dress not you bride in her wedding dress. but you just keep telling yourself you loved her like she loved you. as if it would be made it true if you just said it enough. and then you told her you repeated it every chance you had. and then it was your wedding night and you cared her through the void into her bedroom and you laid her down on her bed, telling her you loved her a thousand times, willing it to be true. you kissed her whispering it again and again wanting so bad to believe it. she undressed you with fast hungry hands, and you stopped her at your boxers. wanting her to be innocent a moment longer because she was just your little rocks you pushed the thoughts from your head and you held her hands to your lips. repeating that you loved her into her knuckles then placing trails of soft warm kisses up her arms. slowly gently and lovingly removing her dress from her shoulders and down.  
you tell yourself that her breast are perfect and definitely what you're attracted to as you pepper then with kisses and more iloveyouloveyouiloveyou-s you leave goose bumps and a trail of repetitive orange text down her ribs and stomach. skipping down to pull her dress past her shoes pulling off those as well feeling the smooth skin of newly hairless legs and thighs, and how her toes curl against your lap, as you you trace fingers on her hips, kissing her inner thigh and pretending you weren't dreading removing the pink silk inches from your eyes. You close your eyes and go for it before you back out. You were not officially acquainted with female anatomy before this but you'd done research on the hypothetical since, and were kinda proud when she responded to your tongue and fingers. She moaned your name and dug her fingers into your hair, you tell yourself her voice like this calling for you is sexy and obtain a pitiful boner as a reward. she comes shaking and panting and crying out, letting go of your hair. and you pull yourself up to give her what you planned to be a sweet little kiss on her panting mouth.  
she was more demanding than you expected rising up to push against you, biting on your lower lip as her hands moved down your back and around your waist sliding underneath your boxers. you almost stop her there because rocks is trying to give you a fucking hand job but you recover with a slight gasp, telling yourself it's okay that she's your wife and hand jobs where apparently something wifes did.  
but she didn't not really she pulled at you clumsily and inexperienced and you close your eyes tight and try to lose yourself to the friction. refusing to think about... that guy... with the dark hair and forest eyes because if you do you'll do something stupid like call out his name. and you don't think of who's hand is on your dick because your 97% sure that you'll start telling her the truth or saying you're sorry or something else you'll have to explain. you just bury your head in your lover's neck and mumble that you love them till those syllables and everything else loses meaning for you. until you're shaking. gut on fire chest ice cold you warn them that you're going to cum. they stop, your eyes fly open and you're grinding on them for relief. bubble gum eyes smile slyly and you almost stop feeling sick again, she arches upward. hand holding you gently against her and you realize what she's doing, held up on your arms you're shaking from exhaustion, and stimulation and fear as she guides you in. you moan together. she was just so hot and tight and you kiss her slurring a couple syllables that you have been chanting before you move.research telling you to be gentle. she arches, and you are fully rock in and away. moaning with her again. because it's the best thing you've ever felt. you stop thinking again. just feeling you engage with sloppy makeouts with your lovers neck when you can muster the brain power mostly you rock in and out aiming for that spot that make's them cry out.  
"Dirk"  they warn as you push deeper against the spot that made them pull at your hair and leave scratches down your back they arch up into you spasming around you and you lose it. pulling in and out with loss of rhythm and meaning your vision blurs, hands gripping at their waist. then you're exhausted. you land against your lover breathing heavily with them nuzzling into there neck again.  
"wow"  roy's voice alarms you slightly breathing and labord you feel guilty. as if she had just caught you jerking off. but she curls up next to you giggling with that same adorable giggle she's had since seven.  
why did you feel so wrong? why couldn't you just enjoy this? why did you make everything so god damn hard?  
"dirk...wow!"  she restates, you watch the wall across from the bed as if it had the answers to you unasked questions, as she absentmindedly laces your fingers together.  "you're amazing"  you look down at her Why did she have to look so innocent right now curled against you like she had came to your bed after a bad dream. you swallow guilt.  
"nu-uh you were"  you kiss her forehead and bury your nose in her hair.  
"were both pretty great"  she giggled again and the familiar sound almost hurt. the lays there a moment then heaves a french sigh into your chest.  
"i think when we can walk we should go to the shower and clean up"  she's gone back to seductive mode lips against your collar bone. you nod feeling like a pervert and an asshole.  
your name is Dirk Strider  
and  
Roxy is the woman you married


	9. seventeen years old

sunlight streamed through the large windows of the bedroom you and Roxy shared, the comforter was comfy; making existing outside it impossible. you lay there feeling at ease. you were happy. you were well into your second year of marriage with your best friend. and you think you are starting to be okay with how your life is now. you'd moved in with Rocks which was weird at first, especially the sleeping in the same bed with her, and things you were expected to do in that bed together; like talking about your day, or having sex. the things you weren't supposed to do in your community bed had been just as problematic, like jerking off to playgirl, and eating doritos. But after the first year where everything felt odd, like you were trying to live in one shoe size too small, the leather stretched a bit, and now it felt okay, alright, fine. and you were content. and feeling so content and warm, lead to some semi-evil thoughts. you formulate your plan, laying in wait a few moments longer, before you attack Rock's side of the bed with tickles, only she isn't there, you sit up disappointed. 

" rocks"  you stage whispered around the room looking for your twirly-haired-bubblegum-girl she was no where to be found. you immediately went into ninja mode; you slink out of the bedroom crouching behind the island in the kitchen. You peer over to see your Rocks cooking breakfast, or at least trying to as hard as a Rock can. You tiptoe around the counter as she becomes distracted by a burnt mass in one of the many smoking pans. You jump her as she turns away from the sink,wrapping her in your arms and relentlessly attacking her ribs. She squeals, the pan landing in the sink as she protest. 

"nooooooo! Dirky"  she giggles squirming in your arms  "your supostto be sleepin!"  she slips out of your arms, always so elusive. dashing under your arm, you chase instinctively. flashing against the stove to click off the other burners before following that twirl of pink into the dining room.  "no, fur real dirk!"  what you have in speed and strength she supplies in cunning and elusiveness.  “go. back. to. bed.”  she ran to the other side of the table, trapped by the wall behind her and you momentarily preventing her from taking either one or the ways around.

“why? are you sick of me already?”  you laugh trying to figure out which way she’ll run.

“no, ima gana bring you brackfast so your ina good mood when i tell you about the baby!”  she stopped sharp, eyes going wide, lips clamped shut. it was the same face she made when you were ten and she accidentally let it slip that she had found her moms liquor supply. you replay the last line of pink text in your head.  tell you about the baby. BABY!!!!!! Rocks knows about a baby. Rocks has a baby. Rocks is going to have a baby. Rocks is pregnant. your heart fills with joy and pride and hope, because your little Rocks is pregnant. then it hits you: you're pregnant. Roxy is having your kid, and your chest seems to fill with ice water. You knocked her up. And now she’s going to make a human, and that is stressful, and painful, and you did that to her. and then theres going to be another human, and you're going to be it’s father, and how do you even do that shit. the closest thing you've ever known was a video of some guy rapping and a stuffed doll, you can't do this, you're going to fuck it up, a lot-

“dirk?”  Roxy comes back into focus, she stood in front of you nervous, and scared, but also happy, hand over her stomach, worried smile on her lips  “...”  you blink a couple times, trying to get out of your own head. before you walk over and kiss her, on the forehead, wrapping her in your arms, thinking more about the happy and exciting thoughts that flashed across your mind, like live wires. 

“ oh my god rocks,” you laugh picking her up, and spinning her around,  “you're going to be a mom”  she giggled as you set her down. 

“and your gana be a dad!”  you disconnected the circuits that fired off fear signals in response to the word, and forced a smile. 

“yah.”  you look down at her and her big grin, her hand still over her stomach. you lean down to the assumed location of your progeny, Roxy’s hands musing with the hair buy your ear. how could something so important and scary and exciting exist in such small space.  “wow” 

your name is Dirk Stirder  
and  
you're going to be a dad


	10. eighteen years old

It was long and hard, and painful. and you were just an observer, you couldn’t even imagine how Roxy felt, your little Rocks who gave birth without drugs, or a coach, or a doctor for that matter, just you.   
you there with her, in her darkest most painful moment, hands shaking, stomach flipping, mouth stuttering. as she needed some one who knew what the fuck they were actually doing.   
you reciting your memory of google search before you did anything,   
you throwing up the first three times you checked the dilation,  
you dropping the various tools needed several times.   
you shotting the epidural about an inch from the spine.  
you alone with her, until you weren't. until there was some one elce. a whole nother life, pink and squirming in our arms, you laid it on roxy's chest, scared and preoccupied, reminding yourself about afterbirth, taking care of her, with unfamiliarly uneven hands. then after, you sat for the first time in hours, exhausted, and bloodied leaning against the wall, listening to roxy and her baby, coo together.  
then you took a long ass shower. throwing out your cloths. cleaning yourself like you never had the opportunity before. letting the water run over you until it ran cold, and clear, and the shock on your skin made you feel real again. then you got out, stepping onto the linoleum, pulling on new clean cloths. and walking slowly back to the modified sun room.   
Roxy laid, on several pillows, bundle of cloth in her arms, the sun shown through the glass walls. she didn't look up as you came to stand next to the bed. she was alone with the child. you a sweep away of Roxy's blond curls out of her face.   
"isent she the most perfict thing you ever saw?"  roxy glanced at you smile wide eyes bright and bagged  "and she's so small dirky so little and perfect."  you leaned down to see a small pink face, in a swaddle of purple knitting full dark lips, at the bottom of a gold topped head. long lashes rimming big violet eyes about halfway through.  "she's got your hair"  you nod "and also the shape of your nose"    
"hers is a bit smaller"  Rocks laughed    
"thatll come with time dork"  she did look like you a bit, that didn't sit well somewhere in your consciousness.   
"yah, but those are definitely your eyes."  Rocks looked up again   
"you think?"    
"totally" a small warm smile crossed across her face  
"so you thought of a name yet"  you both looked down at the little violet eyes  
"i always liked rose"   
"it's perfect"   
your name is Dirk Strider  
and  
Roxy is the mother of your child


	11. twenty years old

children grow quickly, you weren't really expecting that. the whole being a child thing seemed to go so slow when you were the one doing it. but even with the long nights, endless crying sessions and infinet diapers, it was gone in the blink of a violet eye.  
maybe it was because she was just so smart she was early to speak, and by the time she could produce a full sentences she had already obtained all the wit and grace of a indignant cat. she read early as well; flying through the preliminary skill levels.  
as a single child she was also spoiled the girl knew nothing of want or fear, that had been so prominent in both you and roxy's early development. and while you agreed with the safety and happiness of your kid, you did not quite endorse the more frivolous spoilage that roxy sponsored. sweets, and toys were rained down on the poor child with little regard for the consequences. by the time rose hit two, rock's was so convinced of her child's angelic qualities, that the first tantrum blind sided her. by the fifth you got rock's to agree to stop giving in to the child's every whim.  
in the next year roses tantrums changed drastically. instead of throwing herself on the ground and screaming, the child would use several emotional ploys to get what she wanted. if she was angry with the way you were playing a game, she would pick up the board and start a game by herself half a foot from where you were playing. if she wanted something you weren't giving her she would ask nicely about three times before ignoring you completely. if she didn't want to go to bed you became her new best friend, she'd hug and cuddle, and listen to every story.  
at three you were kinda of nervous as you and roxy sat her down.  
" rozie darling, you know how you love your little cat doll?" the bob of thick blond hair noed quickly thinking of the little plush kitten you had made for her.  
" and how you love the wizzard mommy got you as well" again rose bobbed her bob. " well sometimes you can love two things just as much as you would love one, right?" little violet eyes narrowed a bit, following the logic if suspiciously.  
" well parents can love children just as much even if there's two of them." slitted violet eyes watched you as a crown of blond hair slowly moved up and down.  
" but you dont have to, because there's only one of me." her eyes dared to prove her wrong.  
"well actually dearest, Bro and i have decided to have a baby, in fact they will be here in a couple of weeks." you nod earnestly.  
" no." she said definitely, getting up to go on with her life now that was settled.  
" what do you mean no?" she looked up from the book she had started reading while you and rocks recovered.  
"i mean no, i don't approve and it wont happen, cancel the shipment or whatever." roxy laughs a bit.  
“ you can't just cancel a baby rossie,”  
“ why not mother?” the child said it clinically, as if roxy could figure out how to do it if only she could unlock the mental blocks preventing her.  
“ you can't cancel it because it’s already here.” the child looked up confused.  
“what babies are grown not bought.” rose stares at you like you have a few extra heads. “ women grow babies in their stomachs rose, once it’s started it’s very hard to stop”  
“well did you try?” she pouts up at you angrily. and rocks laughs a bit.  
“well, no we didn’t”  
“then why not? and how did this even happen Bro?” you feel yourself flush, as your filled with the same guilt and shame that resulted from remembering the few nights you had with roxy like that.  
“ now when two people love each other, they can decide to have a baby. and when they do if there's a man and woman the man give the woman a gift. and they woman will make it grow. and it becomes a baby.”  
“so this is your fault!” all of the toddler’s wrath turned to you. the eyes were roxy’s but the defiant jaw was yours, this combination hit you as it did every now and again like a knife in your gut. it was your fault, all of this shit was your fault and those premature features where a daily reminder what a liar you were. how you played the person who meant the most to you everyday. and you hated it. you hated yourself for doing it, you hated how it keep you aloft from your daughter in a way that you can never manage to break through.  
“yah, pretty much”  
“it was a joint decision rose, i'm to blame as much as Bro” rose glared at the both of you. “if not more.” roxy’s hand was on your back rubbing reassuring circles. as the child thought something over. after a full minute or so of tense air rose goes back to reading her book.  
“fine.”she presses her lips out of annoyance flipping a brightly colored page “at least that explains why mother got fat.” you laugh despite yourself and earn a cuff on the back of your head from a bulbous lalonde. 

your name is Dirk Strider  
and  
parenting is hard


End file.
